Accepting i am a (Hsp)
I love the English alphabets, how they magically come together to explain whatever I have going on in mind; I sure have come along way from the girl who’d bottle up her feelings and let people walk all over her to the badass I am today. Try nonsense with me and watch me put you in your place with flawlessly constructed words. Writing took me out of my shell, boosted my confidence, and took me from being that all-time calm weirdo to doing some hot girl summer shit. I will never stop Writing. I mean ideas and beautiful lines come easy to me in the shower, in the middle of a meal, while working or even mid conversation, sometimes, 5 seconds from falling into deep sleep. The list is endless, if this isn’t a gift then I don’t know what else is.
My Emphatic self
Sometime year, I had some internal conflicts. You see, internal conflicts are the most difficult to fight. It is easier to fight when you can see your opponent. But in this case, you are your own opponent. So you constantly have to shuffle between the paradoxes of self- hate and self-love/self-acceptance. It is crazy tbh.
During this phase, one of the things I despised about myself was the fact that I was an empath. I started to filter what I consume. Its exhausting to constantly filter what I consumed (things I saw/heard, people I met, etc). I’d be dammed if I continue to Read the news (the killings, rape,etc) I wonder if we can ever leave in a world where the innocent don’t have to die daily. More than 40 people killed at a church, why? Why, was the question I asked God as tears dropped from my eyes reading the news. See I’m not even sure I’ll ever fully recover from the mental and emotional exhaustion.
The moment I started accepting the empathic side of me was when I began to look at the good side of it. Being an empath and an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) means you tend to feel emotions at a heightened level than an average person. So when you feel love, you feel it so much it electrifies you( maybe that’s why I guide my heart) The same thing goes for joy and happiness. In addition, you care for people more, and if you ask me, the world needs more of that.
Something about friendships
I think losing some people was one of the most difficult phases to navigate in 2021. For some, I blame my emotional unavailability, some because our values no longer aligned, some grew apart due to distance, and some, well, life happened. Also, some became quite exhausting. I’d loved to fill you in on the details, but that would be too much information. The good part, however, is all that happened in no way negated the beautiful connection we once shared. I like to think some of these relationships did not last as long because it wasn’t meant to. Some friends they say are for seasons, and I’m learning to make peace with that.
Since I lost some friends, it’s only fair I made some too. I think my Du’a about making and keeping good relationships began to manitest last year . I met really amazing people and made good relationship. I’m grateful to God we crossed paths
